Help me quit...

[Dreader153]

I've noticed that a lot of us (me included) are succumbing to temptation. So if you (like me) wish to give up a certain vice then join me, list out what you wish to give up and report on your progress (or failure).

I intend to do this regularly.

Things I am going to give up:
Sex (I know, sorry ladies, the candy store is closed - temporarily).

Kindly don't make any suggestions, about more addictions I should give up, passing up sex is hard enough.

[.star]

why no sex?

I am not giving up anything.

[V1c70r]

I've noticed that a lot of us (me included) are succumbing to temptation. So if you (like me) wish to give up a certain vice then join me, list out what you wish to give up and report on your progress (or failure).

I intend to do this regularly.

Things I am going to give up:
Sex (I know, sorry ladies, the candy store is closed - temporarily).

Kindly don't make any suggestions, about more addictions I should give up, passing up sex is hard enough.

you r kidding me/// just just showed your face ROC is going to reel

[Striker]

I can imagine why you are doing this. things I want to quit are:

Porn (does it come under sex?)
Violence
ROX (Darkside is an angel!)

Things I wanna do more
Exercise
Reading (Fiction)

[Eli Stones]

you r kidding me/// just just showed your face ROC is going to reel

they'll do no such thing.

oh, good luck, Dreader. Although, I am of the opinion that there is just no such thing as too much.

[Amber]

all due respect. sex won't kill you but drugs will, that is all I am going to say.

[Josh]

all due respect. sex won't kill you but drugs will, that is all I am going to say.

all due respect, if you're having sex and there isn't a chance of getting killed then you are not doing it right trust me!

oh and shit I wanna give up;
Canada, I don't ever want to ever go to fucking canada. I'd rather be ball gagged and killed than visit Canada. I so wish my dad would move from fucking Canada.... well... no reason crying about it. Dreader, dude, look at me, you've made me in to a homo, crying out my feelings and shit. Damn!

[evelyn]

all due respect, if you're having sex and there isn't a chance of getting killed then you are not doing it right trust me!

oh and shit I wanna give up;
Canada, I don't ever want to ever go to fucking canada. I'd rather be ball gagged and killed than visit Canada. I so wish my dad would move from fucking Canada.... well... no reason crying about it. Dreader, dude, look at me, you've made me in to a homo, crying out my feelings and shit. Damn!

lol @ getting killed while having sex.

sorry to hear about your Dad and Canada. I feel like I should quit something as well... maybe coke zero or something

[Lucas West]

like the pimp says to his whores "I support you"

[Dreader153]

why no sex?

I am not giving up anything.
Because I feel it is getting rather excessive. I don't have time to do other stuff. It is eerie, I am a person with extreme self control (I mean, relatively) so this is discomforting (my progress is given below). thank you for the support though.

I can imagine why you are doing this. things I want to quit are:

Porn (does it come under sex?)
Violence
ROX (Darkside is an angel!)

Things I wanna do more
Exercise
Reading (Fiction)

Porn under sex? Anything that you do on your own doesn't constitute sex (it is just entertainment isn't it?) but sure quit porn. I am surprisingly not that dependent on porn though.

Why do you want to read more fiction? :mda:

they'll do no such thing.

oh, good luck, Dreader. Although, I am of the opinion that there is just no such thing as too much.
Well I would usually agree with you. I am the poster boy for doing what you feel like doing whenever but nonetheless doing who... not working out for me.

all due respect. sex won't kill you but drugs will, that is all I am going to say.
You've said a lot... that is not appreciated.

all due respect, if you're having sex and there isn't a chance of getting killed then you are not doing it right trust me!

oh and shit I wanna give up;
Canada, I don't ever want to ever go to fucking canada. I'd rather be ball gagged and killed than visit Canada. I so wish my dad would move from fucking Canada.... well... no reason crying about it. Dreader, dude, look at me, you've made me in to a homo, crying out my feelings and shit. Damn!
lol! this is precisely what I am talking about.. we're so desensitized to it. What do you mean when you say you want to "Give up Canada", that isn't really a thing but sure, don't go there anymore. Maybe you can threaten to kill yourself and get your dad to come back home and then get him on the do not fly list so that he can't go back... just a thought.


lol @ getting killed while having sex.

sorry to hear about your Dad and Canada. I feel like I should quit something as well... maybe coke zero or something
go for it. coke zero isn't really zero... say what I am knowing?

like the pimp says to his whores "I support you"
that is just what I needed, a new pimp.

My Progress

Since I've made this sanction (sex sanction), I have been tempted left and right. And I am even tempting myself, or giving in to tempting thoughts. It's like every girl in the world, starts to look beautiful when you want to give up sex.

Everything about them, the way they talk, the way they smell. The unbelievably mesmerizing ways they do their hair, all the time they spend on fake-up, the hours spent doing yoga... You start to appreciate the intricacy of their race, and our mating habits.

I understand that what I do with a girl will lead to nothing, my biology is tricking me in to liking and wanting sex (serotonin, dopamine, testosterone) and like a clever hunter I am tricking my biology in to giving me pleasure and sweet release without giving in and fathering a child (birth control/pulling out, anyone?); the whole purpose of this being nothing except if you count the pleasure the girls get, which I assure you blows their minds each time, every-time.

I got very preoccupied thinking about the beautiful women around me, so amazed listening to their voices. And I gave in, twice in the morning (11:00).... I felt so terrible afterward, like I failed myself. And it was like a clock getting reset, I had to start over now. All the love I felt for the female race left me, along with my army of my sea-men (spunk, ladies and gentlemen, we all have it - figuratively)... To say I felt terrible would be an understatement.

Ok.... It was 22:00, I was heading back home but got invited to a small gathering, which turned out to be a rather large gathering, a send off of sorts for a good friend. There were women everywhere, and the love I felt for them had seemingly returned (to my pants)... for some reason.

I started negotiating with myself, I already broke the covenant (to not fuck) already today so maintaining celibacy wasn't really important... The day wasn't over, I could still fuck, and get it out of my system....

I led a beautiful maiden upstairs and lost all love for women once more... Clock reset again. I am going to try and stay away from temptation as much as possible today, I am really truly going to try.

Status: FAILURE

Thank you all,
Love but no sex,
Dreader

[Lucas West]

Because I feel it is getting rather excessive. I don't have time to do other stuff. It is eerie, I am a person with extreme self control (I mean, relatively) so this is discomforting (my progress is given below). thank you for the support though.



Porn under sex? Anything that you do on your own doesn't constitute sex (it is just entertainment isn't it?) but sure quit porn. I am surprisingly not that dependent on porn though.

Why do you want to read more fiction? :mda:


Well I would usually agree with you. I am the poster boy for doing what you feel like doing whenever but nonetheless doing who... not working out for me.


You've said a lot... that is not appreciated.


lol! this is precisely what I am talking about.. we're so desensitized to it. What do you mean when you say you want to "Give up Canada", that isn't really a thing but sure, don't go there anymore. Maybe you can threaten to kill yourself and get your dad to come back home and then get him on the do not fly list so that he can't go back... just a thought.



go for it. coke zero isn't really zero... say what I am knowing?


that is just what I needed, a new pimp.

My Progress

Since I've made this sanction (sex sanction), I have been tempted left and right. And I am even tempting myself, or giving in to tempting thoughts. It's like every girl in the world, starts to look beautiful when you want to give up sex.

Everything about them, the way they talk, the way they smell. The unbelievably mesmerizing ways they do their hair, all the time they spend on fake-up, the hours spent doing yoga... You start to appreciate the intricacy of their race, and our mating habits.

I understand that what I do with a girl will lead to nothing, my biology is tricking me in to liking and wanting sex (serotonin, dopamine, testosterone) and like a clever hunter I am tricking my biology in to giving me pleasure and sweet release without giving in and fathering a child (birth control/pulling out, anyone?); the whole purpose of this being nothing except if you count the pleasure the girls get, which I assure you blows their minds each time, every-time.

I got very preoccupied thinking about the beautiful women around me, so amazed listening to their voices. And I gave in, twice in the morning (11:00).... I felt so terrible afterward, like I failed myself. And it was like a clock getting reset, I had to start over now. All the love I felt for the female race left me, along with my army of my sea-men (spunk, ladies and gentlemen, we all have it - figuratively)... To say I felt terrible would be an understatement.

Ok.... It was 22:00, I was heading back home but got invited to a small gathering, which turned out to be a rather large gathering, a send off of sorts for a good friend. There were women everywhere, and the love I felt for them had seemingly returned (to my pants)... for some reason.

I started negotiating with myself, I already broke the covenant (to not fuck) already today so maintaining celibacy wasn't really important... The day wasn't over, I could still fuck, and get it out of my system....

I led a beautiful maiden upstairs and lost all love for women once more... Clock reset again. I am going to try and stay away from temptation as much as possible today, I am really truly going to try.

Status: FAILURE

Thank you all,
Love but no sex,
Dreader

I am sorry. I thought you were kidding till now. What you're trying to do is really tough, I can only imagine. But it is the beginning, don't beat yourself up over one or two stutter steps!

You're an amazingly gifted person, you're gonna defeat this thing!

[suicidegirl]

I knw exctly wht ur going thru. Dnt quit, coz quitting is 4 pussies :). I rely like u and ppl I like alwyz do well... so u'r gonna be fine! :kiss:

[Zach Abergil]

buddy you got it bad. good luck with the sex thing, I am with you.

[Josh]

thanks Dreader! that is a little extremem for me though.

you fell off the wagon, it's alright. you will do better now man.

[Dreader153]

I've let myself down; I was on such a good run. I resisted temptation for 3 days, 3 whole days!!! And then I preceded to fall off the horse (I don't see myself riding a wagon, but a horse, I'd be a lot more comfortable on a horse, that is, if it doesn't protest... too much).

I've let you all down, I am sorry. Terribly so. I almost thought I'd gotten rid of it, maybe it was because the past 3 days I was so busy I didn't have time to bed any of the courtesans. But I was able to give myself a little break today and since I had the time to myself, I got bored of my own company and ended up thinking it'd be better if I shared myself with someone else... Feel a connection, feel love, even if it was just for a second... Would it be worth it?

I have the answer now. It wasn't worth it, I was on such a good run, as I said. Temptation is one evil devil, she'll show herself to you when you wanna get rid of her, she'll do everything in her power to ruin your resolve.

During my times trying not to f&ck anyone, I did have a rather empowering epiphany... I wondered why I am so useless when I am "in love" ({even if it is for excruciatingly short times [- hey! not like that!]}, I fall in love with every woman I bed). True love destroys; it robs one of ambition, clarity and intelligence.

There must be something profoundly wrong if I am a person who thinks that love is a bug in our coding, society would say, but f&ck that... I am convinced that being in love is akin to believing in a lie and letting it destroy you.

Being in love is by definition being content with oneself and with the world around; we should be careful not to ever be content. We should never be content with ourselves, the people around us, or the situations we're faced with, should we?!

Status: FAILURE

:friends: Thank you for the support I feel terrible each time I am back here to report on my failure perhaps this will motivate me to keep my pants on.

[Sensation]

I've let myself down; I was on such a good run. I resisted temptation for 3 days, 3 whole days!!! And then I preceded to fall off the horse (I don't see myself riding a wagon, but a horse, I'd be a lot more comfortable on a horse, that is, if it doesn't protest... too much).

I've let you all down, I am sorry. Terribly so. I almost thought I'd gotten rid of it, maybe it was because the past 3 days I was so busy I didn't have time to bed any of the courtesans. But I was able to give myself a little break today and since I had the time to myself, I got bored of my own company and ended up thinking it'd be better if I shared myself with someone else... Feel a connection, feel love, even if it was just for a second... Would it be worth it?

I have the answer now. It wasn't worth it, I was on such a good run, as I said. Temptation is one evil devil, she'll show herself to you when you wanna get rid of her, she'll do everything in her power to ruin your resolve.

During my times trying not to f&ck anyone, I did have a rather empowering epiphany... I wondered why I am so useless when I am "in love" ({even if it is for excruciatingly short times [- hey! not like that!]}, I fall in love with every woman I bed). True love destroys; it robs one of ambition, clarity and intelligence.

There must be something profoundly wrong if I am a person who thinks that love is a bug in our coding, society would say, but f&ck that... I am convinced that being in love is akin to believing in a lie and letting it destroy you.

Being in love is by definition being content with oneself and with the world around; we should be careful not to ever be content. We should never be content with ourselves, the people around us, or the situations we're faced with, should we?!

Status: FAILURE

:friends: Thank you for the support I feel terrible each time I am back here to report on my failure perhaps this will motivate me to keep my pants on.

You haven't let me down. I was reading this thread wondering if I should reply or not and it struck me that you are :boast: my friend. And you are torturing yourself over nothing! Or at best something very trivial :derisive:.

Yes sex addiction is a problem, but compared to addicts who are nonfunctional and enslaved because of their addictions you are a so much better off :meeting:. In every way, you are one of the most incredible people I know, you're intelligent :scare:, sharp as a tack, caring, gracious, loyal and unbelievably talented.

This is why you have all of us, exactly why we all "love" you :search:. So allow yourself some more clearance, don't be so quick to get disappointed, friend. You'll get over this, most "addicts" don't even accept that they're addicted or that they're excessively indulging (trust me) but you know that it is getting close to the limit so more than quitting an addiction see this as merely an exercise in self control, something you can easily figure out with that head of yours :yu:

[Dreader153]

You haven't let me down. I was reading this thread wondering if I should reply or not and it struck me that you are :boast: my friend. And you are torturing yourself over nothing! Or at best something very trivial :derisive:.

Yes sex addiction is a problem, but compared to addicts who are nonfunctional and enslaved because of their addictions you are a so much better off :meeting:. In every way, you are one of the most incredible people I know, you're intelligent :scare:, sharp as a tack, caring, gracious, loyal and unbelievably talented.

This is why you have all of us, exactly why we all "love" you :search:. So allow yourself some more clearance, don't be so quick to get disappointed, friend. You'll get over this, most "addicts" don't even accept that they're addicted or that they're excessively indulging (trust me) but you know that it is getting close to the limit so more than quitting an addiction see this as merely an exercise in self control, something you can easily figure out with that head of yours :yu:

thank you for that. I never told you this but I think you're an incredibly wholesome and nice person.

But Sexy Ladies and Gentle Mechanics, this experiment really looks like it has failed. The Christmas cheer has just put everything on overdrive (it is like everyone wants someone to love this time of the year). I only wish I was trying to get laid, cause this isn't even fair (like shooting fish in a barrel with a nuclear warhead) irregardless I am utterly disgusted, displeased and disappointed with this fellow they call Dreader.

I am counting on turning a new wave on the 1st (2012), I am counting on it. On the other hand... maybe I should quit. But don't worry I am going to try my best people.

[Cataclysm]

thank you for that. I never told you this but I think you're an incredibly wholesome and nice person.

But Sexy Ladies and Gentle Mechanics, this experiment really looks like it has failed. The Christmas cheer has just put everything on overdrive (it is like everyone wants someone to love this time of the year). I only wish I was trying to get laid, cause this isn't even fair (like shooting fish in a barrel with a nuclear warhead) irregardless I am utterly disgusted, displeased and disappointed with this fellow they call Dreader.

I am counting on turning a new wave on the 1st (2012), I am counting on it. On the other hand... maybe I should quit. But don't worry I am going to try my best people.

now I feel hurt you're feeling like this. feel better please, for me, please.

[Goldenchild]

2 things.

1. are you allowed to wank yourself off? cause that should be allowed.
2. don't feel bad. if it is an addiction then it is not your fault! I know that for a fact. addictions aren't your fault.

[Eli Stones]

I can't take this anymore!!!! be a man and stop wanting to have sex. look in to Depo-Provera, it is a drug that totally kills your little dreader... actually it puts him to sleep, 1 shot every three months and you'll be all better.

[MarcelMartinez]

I can't take this anymore!!!! be a man and stop wanting to have sex. look in to Depo-Provera, it is a drug that totally kills your little dreader... actually it puts him to sleep, 1 shot every three months and you'll be all better.

that is too much... that is waay too much. they have to ban pot but they don't ban this crazy shit! no way. Dreader don't even consider this shit. it makes you grow man tits.

[Ольга20]

wa8.. girls sleep with hu? hm... what can I quit??? maybe reading fiction.

[YoungTurk]

so you have this under control, I am going to assume?

[Dreader153]

so you have this under control, I am going to assume?

more I realize that control is an illusion... Only way to manage it is through fear. So I don't know...

[Siddharth]

I find it funny that YOU of all people are advocating moderation. So stuff it you really do deserve this hell... I hope your dick falls off (before one of your other habits kill you).

[Kaine]

I find it funny that YOU of all people are advocating moderation. So stuff it you really do deserve this hell... I hope your dick falls off (before one of your other habits kill you).

tut-tut

[Luxurious]

I find it funny that YOU of all people are advocating moderation. So stuff it you really do deserve this hell... I hope your dick falls off (before one of your other habits kill you).

wtf man? he is our friend.

[suicidegirl]

I find it funny that YOU of all people are advocating moderation. So stuff it you really do deserve this hell... I hope your dick falls off (before one of your other habits kill you).

who the fuck do you you think you are? watch your fucking tone. we all LIKE DREADER so if YOU have a problem with him then it is probably because you're a stupid, small minded, lowly, barbarian cunt just like the rest of your lot.


so crawl back in to your hole and learn to behave before you try and talk down to one of my friends.

[Eli Stones]

who the fuck do you you think you are? watch your fucking tone. we all LIKE DREADER so if YOU have a problem with him then it is probably because you're a stupid, small minded, lowly, barbarian cunt just like the rest of your lot.


so crawl back in to your hole and learn to behave before you try and talk down to one of my friends.

I like that. good for you!

[Cataclysm]

who the fuck do you you think you are? watch your fucking tone. we all LIKE DREADER so if YOU have a problem with him then it is probably because you're a stupid, small minded, lowly, barbarian cunt just like the rest of your lot.


so crawl back in to your hole and learn to behave before you try and talk down to one of my friends.
don't be such a racist.


I like that. good for you!
don't encourage racism.

[Vincente]

don't be such a racist.



don't encourage racism.

rofl

[Luxurious]

okay, now this is getting outta hand. Dready, it is alright now. You can come out and play.

[Lucas West]

this is hilarious... on so many different levels.

[xXBrudu BXx]

I think page 3 just blew my mind.

[Cataclysm]

I think page 3 just blew my mind.

finally. Someone normal sees what I see. Arguments with racist undertones, I just can't stand them. I also can't stand some other things but racism certainly is a no no.

[Ferris]

fyi, addictions of any kind are usually because of deep seated mental issues. in your case especially Dread, you can't pick and choose your addictions thinking some work and some don't. take a long hard look at your life (i.e. if you wanna change) make a list of stuff you would like to change then slowly start making those changes!

[Lucas West]

la petite mort turn in to la grande mort or what? where you at?

[Dreader153]

so... I've been away for awhile some of you know why most might not.


::Short Version::
I unfortunately had a small motor vehicle accident two weeks ago. I have been recuperating from the accident and a few other misadventures I've been engaged in. My demons are getting the best of me... Without a doubt.

::Long Version::
So I hang out with this girl. She is pretty cool, knows how to converse, is skilled at never being boring and loves me to death. We were at a bar with a few friends and this other girl walks in, this other girl is... Pretty, her smooth blond locks and her porcelain skin mesmerises me, everyone is looking at her, and I am just drawn to her like metal to a magnet or a moth to a flame. Undeniably so in that moment she was the only thing I wanted... Having her was paramount. Anyway long story short other girl and I borrow a friend’s car (I usually borrow D’s vehicles as I don't have one of my own + I don't have a driving license so it works out + the import tax on a car here is 100%). Well I had had a few drinks and stuff was going on in the car enough so much so that I didn't realize I should have kept the speed down but it was a pretty car, the kind that went zoom and made one feel powerful while at the wheel.

We were engaged in a passionate kiss so I foolishly didn’t pay a lot of attention to the road (as one should when behind the wheel of such an automobile) the car swerved to the right cut through a lane of traffic and landed in a sort of ravine. The beautiful car that belonged to a good friend of mine was utterly ruined, it was like Godzilla fucked it through the middle, the thing literally broke in to two pieces and unfortunately the car wasn't insured but that is a whole other wasp’s nest.

Anyway we were pulled out of the wreckage and miraculously the car didn't catch on fire. Regardless the police had been called and they didn't take the situation as lightly as I'd hoped they would... But this is me. I wasn't even worried, my beautiful companion was crying (she was hurt rather badly). Statements were taken and they tried to force me in to giving them a urine sample and then even went so far as to ask for a blood sample once I reached the hospital (unhurt I was but I was ushered there). Whilst there a good friend came by with my lawyer and suddenly the police didn't want my pee-pee (which was good because...). I was scratch-less from the affair, my dearest friend girl who was draped in a sexy navy blue dress took me home while the blond sex bomb was being taken care of and simultaneously being bought off (she was such a boring little wimp, I couldn’t believe the image I’d constructed in my mind of her, yes she was pretty but what the fuck?!).

I couldn't shake the feeling, I'd done it again, gotten away clean. The car was wrecked so bad that people who saw it after thought nobody could have survived, I had enough narcotics in my body that the pigs could have charged me with at least 15 different offenses (just from my pee), resultant investigations in to how... Not me though, I am so bullet proof that people around me anticipate my fuckups and have everything pre-planned only later did I find out that my lawyer was once told to create a step by step operational procedure if I ever indeed got picked up and asked for my pee (like I just had)... Pretty pretty.

I sincerely am at a loss; I've drifted past every natural and synthetic barrier supposed to keep human beings in line. Maybe if we keep going past the lines we're bound to push more and more until inevitably one dies or one gets too old. That is a grim outlook. Person who owned the car was slightly mad at me (as it was his baby), and we went in to a death spiral as this was my third strike out with him in the same week (I'd messed up a deal for him too). So we had a small fight, my best friend and I...

He is my brother so he forgave me... Next time though? One day I'll go so far that he'll decide he wants nothing to do with me and I'll keep walking as bulletproof as ever. The lady in blue comforted me by telling me that I'd be just fine and that I was suffering from PTSD I doubt it though.
I am of the mind finally that “I live like I live therefore I am”. Till the next exit; I will live as best as I can. Surely a good life is what I wish to lead. But what is good? Is living life to the max a question of quality or quantity?

Thank you for the wonderful responses, everyone.

[Lucas West]

The beautiful car that belonged to a good friend of mine was utterly ruined, it was like Godzilla fucked it through the middle

Epic and or priceless.

[Sensation]

so... I've been away for awhile some of you know why most might not.


::Short Version::
I unfortunately had a small motor vehicle accident two weeks ago. I have been recuperating from the accident and a few other misadventures I've been engaged in. My demons are getting the best of me... Without a doubt.

::Long Version::
So I hang out with this girl. She is pretty cool, knows how to converse, is skilled at never being boring and loves me to death. We were at a bar with a few friends and this other girl walks in, this other girl is... Pretty, her smooth blond locks and her porcelain skin mesmerises me, everyone is looking at her, and I am just drawn to her like metal to a magnet or a moth to a flame. Undeniably so in that moment she was the only thing I wanted... Having her was paramount. Anyway long story short other girl and I borrow a friend’s car (I usually borrow D’s vehicles as I don't have one of my own + I don't have a driving license so it works out + the import tax on a car here is 100%). Well I had had a few drinks and stuff was going on in the car enough so much so that I didn't realize I should have kept the speed down but it was a pretty car, the kind that went zoom and made one feel powerful while at the wheel.

We were engaged in a passionate kiss so I foolishly didn’t pay a lot of attention to the road (as one should when behind the wheel of such an automobile) the car swerved to the right cut through a lane of traffic and landed in a sort of ravine. The beautiful car that belonged to a good friend of mine was utterly ruined, it was like Godzilla fucked it through the middle, the thing literally broke in to two pieces and unfortunately the car wasn't insured but that is a whole other wasp’s nest.

Anyway we were pulled out of the wreckage and miraculously the car didn't catch on fire. Regardless the police had been called and they didn't take the situation as lightly as I'd hoped they would... But this is me. I wasn't even worried, my beautiful companion was crying (she was hurt rather badly). Statements were taken and they tried to force me in to giving them a urine sample and then even went so far as to ask for a blood sample once I reached the hospital (unhurt I was but I was ushered there). Whilst there a good friend came by with my lawyer and suddenly the police didn't want my pee-pee (which was good because...). I was scratch-less from the affair, my dearest friend girl who was draped in a sexy navy blue dress took me home while the blond sex bomb was being taken care of and simultaneously being bought off (she was such a boring little wimp, I couldn’t believe the image I’d constructed in my mind of her, yes she was pretty but what the fuck?!).

I couldn't shake the feeling, I'd done it again, gotten away clean. The car was wrecked so bad that people who saw it after thought nobody could have survived, I had enough narcotics in my body that the pigs could have charged me with at least 15 different offenses (just from my pee), resultant investigations in to how... Not me though, I am so bullet proof that people around me anticipate my fuckups and have everything pre-planned only later did I find out that my lawyer was once told to create a step by step operational procedure if I ever indeed got picked up and asked for my pee (like I just had)... Pretty pretty.

I sincerely am at a loss; I've drifted past every natural and synthetic barrier supposed to keep human beings in line. Maybe if we keep going past the lines we're bound to push more and more until inevitably one dies or one gets too old. That is a grim outlook. Person who owned the car was slightly mad at me (as it was his baby), and we went in to a death spiral as this was my third strike out with him in the same week (I'd messed up a deal for him too). So we had a small fight, my best friend and I...

He is my brother so he forgave me... Next time though? One day I'll go so far that he'll decide he wants nothing to do with me and I'll keep walking as bulletproof as ever. The lady in blue comforted me by telling me that I'd be just fine and that I was suffering from PTSD I doubt it though.
I am of the mind finally that “I live like I live therefore I am”. Till the next exit; I will live as best as I can. Surely a good life is what I wish to lead. But what is good? Is living life to the max a question of quality or quantity?

Thank you for the wonderful responses, everyone.

Congratulations on doing this. We both think you're really making strides (last few days notwithstanding).

Could it be that you perpetually want to get hurt? Bulletproof or not there are always limits to invulnerability.

[Bonjour]

so... I've been away for awhile some of you know why most might not.


::Short Version::
I unfortunately had a small motor vehicle accident two weeks ago. I have been recuperating from the accident and a few other misadventures I've been engaged in. My demons are getting the best of me... Without a doubt.

::Long Version::
So I hang out with this girl. She is pretty cool, knows how to converse, is skilled at never being boring and loves me to death. We were at a bar with a few friends and this other girl walks in, this other girl is... Pretty, her smooth blond locks and her porcelain skin mesmerises me, everyone is looking at her, and I am just drawn to her like metal to a magnet or a moth to a flame. Undeniably so in that moment she was the only thing I wanted... Having her was paramount. Anyway long story short other girl and I borrow a friend’s car (I usually borrow D’s vehicles as I don't have one of my own + I don't have a driving license so it works out + the import tax on a car here is 100%). Well I had had a few drinks and stuff was going on in the car enough so much so that I didn't realize I should have kept the speed down but it was a pretty car, the kind that went zoom and made one feel powerful while at the wheel.

We were engaged in a passionate kiss so I foolishly didn’t pay a lot of attention to the road (as one should when behind the wheel of such an automobile) the car swerved to the right cut through a lane of traffic and landed in a sort of ravine. The beautiful car that belonged to a good friend of mine was utterly ruined, it was like Godzilla fucked it through the middle, the thing literally broke in to two pieces and unfortunately the car wasn't insured but that is a whole other wasp’s nest.

Anyway we were pulled out of the wreckage and miraculously the car didn't catch on fire. Regardless the police had been called and they didn't take the situation as lightly as I'd hoped they would... But this is me. I wasn't even worried, my beautiful companion was crying (she was hurt rather badly). Statements were taken and they tried to force me in to giving them a urine sample and then even went so far as to ask for a blood sample once I reached the hospital (unhurt I was but I was ushered there). Whilst there a good friend came by with my lawyer and suddenly the police didn't want my pee-pee (which was good because...). I was scratch-less from the affair, my dearest friend girl who was draped in a sexy navy blue dress took me home while the blond sex bomb was being taken care of and simultaneously being bought off (she was such a boring little wimp, I couldn’t believe the image I’d constructed in my mind of her, yes she was pretty but what the fuck?!).

I couldn't shake the feeling, I'd done it again, gotten away clean. The car was wrecked so bad that people who saw it after thought nobody could have survived, I had enough narcotics in my body that the pigs could have charged me with at least 15 different offenses (just from my pee), resultant investigations in to how... Not me though, I am so bullet proof that people around me anticipate my fuckups and have everything pre-planned only later did I find out that my lawyer was once told to create a step by step operational procedure if I ever indeed got picked up and asked for my pee (like I just had)... Pretty pretty.

I sincerely am at a loss; I've drifted past every natural and synthetic barrier supposed to keep human beings in line. Maybe if we keep going past the lines we're bound to push more and more until inevitably one dies or one gets too old. That is a grim outlook. Person who owned the car was slightly mad at me (as it was his baby), and we went in to a death spiral as this was my third strike out with him in the same week (I'd messed up a deal for him too). So we had a small fight, my best friend and I...

He is my brother so he forgave me... Next time though? One day I'll go so far that he'll decide he wants nothing to do with me and I'll keep walking as bulletproof as ever. The lady in blue comforted me by telling me that I'd be just fine and that I was suffering from PTSD I doubt it though.
I am of the mind finally that “I live like I live therefore I am”. Till the next exit; I will live as best as I can. Surely a good life is what I wish to lead. But what is good? Is living life to the max a question of quality or quantity?

Thank you for the wonderful responses, everyone.


You are strong mate! This is a minor setback, you'll overcome all this because you can do it. Just cause you can do it!