Charles
10-24-2010, 06:40 AM
Someone I really love has left me. I idealized her and loved her so very much, we had something special yet I've lost it, I am so very sad now. I feel like I been shot.
If the world was perfect we would be together. If only I could have her... I mean I loved her since I was 12, probably the longest relationship I've had since my parents. She was as close to perfect as possible, I mean when you get close to something quite often imperfections come up but in her case she was pretty awesome. She was like superwoman, the best, always there for me but now it has ended.
I just absolutely hate the way I feel now... It's terrible that I am feeling like this. And the only thing worse is that she left me for the damnedest reason. She was certainly the one, I planned on marrying her. Pictured it and everything, now depression is all that is left.
I feel bad from the very core of me. I feel as though sharing will ease my pain. I am getting lost.... in the darkness. I'd have preferred it if she'd died, as you can see I am not being very rational.
But this is something.... an experience. Pain is something you learn from. No matter how logical, rational, cold, unemotional and calculating I am I can't get rid of the pain I feel. We had pair bonded and I guess this is what happens. My biology is conditioning me so that I don't repeat the mistakes I made. The world is rather cruel and cold, generous with the terrible experiences and quite stingy with the nice ones.
I think I hate this because she represented so much. A symbol of hope and I've lost all that with her. +willsurvive+
If the world was perfect we would be together. If only I could have her... I mean I loved her since I was 12, probably the longest relationship I've had since my parents. She was as close to perfect as possible, I mean when you get close to something quite often imperfections come up but in her case she was pretty awesome. She was like superwoman, the best, always there for me but now it has ended.
I just absolutely hate the way I feel now... It's terrible that I am feeling like this. And the only thing worse is that she left me for the damnedest reason. She was certainly the one, I planned on marrying her. Pictured it and everything, now depression is all that is left.
I feel bad from the very core of me. I feel as though sharing will ease my pain. I am getting lost.... in the darkness. I'd have preferred it if she'd died, as you can see I am not being very rational.
But this is something.... an experience. Pain is something you learn from. No matter how logical, rational, cold, unemotional and calculating I am I can't get rid of the pain I feel. We had pair bonded and I guess this is what happens. My biology is conditioning me so that I don't repeat the mistakes I made. The world is rather cruel and cold, generous with the terrible experiences and quite stingy with the nice ones.
I think I hate this because she represented so much. A symbol of hope and I've lost all that with her. +willsurvive+